As the school year begins, educators pour energy into creating welcoming environments, learning names, and establishing routines. But once the first month passes, the urgency to maintain and deepen those relationships becomes even more critical. Building relational capacity is not a one-time event—it’s a continuous process that shapes the classroom culture and student success throughout the year. 

The Science of Connection 

Research shows that close relationships are essential to a healthy life. Marc Schulz, associate director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development, reminds us: 

“If we want to live a life that’s full and healthy for us, we need to figure out a way to prioritize those friends.”

This applies not only to adult friendships but also to the connections we foster with students. Robert Waldinger, director of the same study, adds: 

“One fact of life is most relationships wax and wane, but that’s why it’s important to continue to build friendships with the people you enjoy.” 

In the classroom, this means continuing to invest in student relationships long after the initial excitement of the new school year fades. 

Understanding the Stages of Relational Capacity 

AVID’s Four Stages of Building Relational Capacity offer a roadmap for educators to reflect on where their classroom community stands and how to move forward: 

• Safe Shaping – The starting point for most classrooms. Students are orienting themselves, learning names, and testing boundaries. Teachers focus on creating a brave space and encouraging student ownership. 

• Controlled Chaos – Typically where classrooms are after 1–2 months. Students begin asserting leadership, and conflict may arise. This stage is crucial for growth, as it signals students are taking ownership. Teachers must guide conflict resolution and maintain a positive environment. 

• Scope and Sovereignty – Students begin to self-regulate, collaborate, and innovate. Shared leadership emerges, and the classroom becomes more autonomous. 

• Group Actualization – The ideal state where students are self-directed, empathetic, and deeply collaborative. While rare and fleeting, it’s a powerful goal. 

At the 1–2 month mark, most classrooms are transitioning from Stage 1 to Stage 2. This is a pivotal time when relationships can either deepen or fracture. Educators must be intentional in guiding students through conflict, fostering inclusion, and reinforcing shared goals. 

Intentional Relationship Building 

The article “Are you good at building relationships? Here’s how to tell” by Teddy Amenabar emphasizes that strong relationships don’t just happen—they require effort and intentionality. Jeffrey Hall, a professor of communication studies, found that: 

“It can take more than 200 hours together for an acquaintance to become a close friend.”

In the classroom, this translates to consistent, meaningful interactions. Teachers can “repot” relationships by changing the context—moving beyond academic tasks to shared experiences, celebrations, and reflective conversations. 

Marisa G. Franco, author of Platonic, encourages vulnerability: 

“If you want to have more depth, you're probably going to have to go first. Vulnerability begets vulnerability.” 

When teachers model openness and appreciation, students mirror those behaviors, creating a culture of trust and authenticity. 

Activities to Support the Transition from Safe Shaping to Controlled Chaos 

As classrooms evolve from initial connection to deeper collaboration, these AVID-aligned activities help guide students through the shift: 

Classroom Contracts and Agreements 

Co-create norms and expectations with students to foster ownership and a sense of safety. Use sentence starters like: 

• “In this class, we will…” 

• “Respect looks like…” 

Group Challenges 

Engage students in tasks that require teamwork and highlight group dynamics: 

• “Build the Tallest Tower” with limited materials 

• “Escape Room” style puzzles 

Collaborative Goal Setting 

Encourage shared vision and accountability: 

• Use AVID goal-setting templates 

• Set and revisit academic or behavioral goals as a group 

Peer Feedback Protocols 

Teach respectful communication and conflict resolution: 

• “Glow and Grow” feedback (one strength, one area for improvement) 

• Sentence stems like “I noticed…” or “Next time, consider…” 

Moving Forward 

As we move past the first month of school, let’s remember that relational capacity is not static. It grows through intentional acts—listening, showing up, and creating brave spaces for students to be themselves. By continuing to build relationships, we help students see their capabilities, feel confident, and thrive both academically and personally.